Paula Abdul drunk on American Idol

I don't watch American Idol because I'm not a 13-year-old girl, but apparently Paula Abdul was less than coherent during last night's show. The video above is of Ryan Seacrest asking Paula why two contestants received the fewest votes and her responding, "Simon said because one of them ate pizza and the other one ate salad."

And then later in the show, she continued with her insanity, saying: "What did you tell me Simon? What did you tell me? Simon gave me advice and said on 'The X Factor' he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon - (laughter) - finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didn’t pick the right fortune."

It's too bad she didn't do what I do when I'm drunk, and that's take off my shirt and wave it over my head as I yell out, "Woooo!" That's how you get the ladies, fellows. You have to impress them with your shirt waving abilities.